Driving Each Other Crazy

 

Which way do we go from here?

 

It’s All In The Technique

 

I suspect neither my hubby nor I would describe each other as bad drivers (at least not to each other’s face).  However we certainly have different techniques.  Here’s how a typical conversation might go in our car:

“Are you going to move over, yet?”

“No need, the exit’s not for forty miles.”

“Yes, and that’s exactly why you should move over.  The lane is clear now.”

“Are you kidding? The guy up there is going way too slow.”

“No, he isn’t.”

“Yes, he is.”

“Isn’t”

“Is.”

“Just move over, would you?”

 

Who’s Who

 

Time to shift gears.

It's so easy to take a wrong turn.

I prefer this lane. In fact, I’d prefer Hubby prefer it, too.

Can you tell who’s who in the conversation above?  As it turns out, I’m the one who wants to move over far in advance of the exit and Hubby is perfectly willing to wait until the last possible second.  In my mind, the issue is only too clear:  Hubby should move over and the sooner the better.  After all, we don’t want to miss our exit, do we?

 

Definitions

 

I suppose this is an issue of how to define patience.  Hubby clearly believes there will be ample time to exit the freeway when we need to. Thus, patience for him is to wait until he finds the most strategic spot to zip in front of some car and still make our turn.  This is a bit dramatic for my tastes.

 

To me, patience is something entirely different—its about promoting greater peace and harmony in the universe.  You can therefore call my technique Zen and Art Of The Slow Lane.  Perhaps I’ll write an entire book on it.  You see, I’ll drive for 10 miles behind a slow car, because I know I will eventually exit the freeway from the lane it’s in. I’d rather be late than sorry and if I drive in the “right” lane I never have to be sorry.  Believe me when I say this is best for everyone.

 

Irksome Drivers

 

Following too close for comfort.

Could you drive any closer without hitting me?

This is not to suggest I’m a patient person in all things to do with driving. Far from it. For example, one way I constantly lose my far too tenuous grip on reality is to have some driver rush up behind me and ride my rear end.  At least, Hubby agrees with me on this one.  I don’t know who coined the term “butt rider”, but it’s an apt description. Grrrrr…I get upset just thinking about the people who do this.  What gives a person the right to come racing up to within inches of my back bumper and then just sit there until I move over?  As far as I’m concerned anything that intimate should be by invitation only.

 

It’s insane if you stop to think about it.  Whatever happened to driver’s training and following at a safe distance?  It’s not like it’s going to get them wherever they go even five minutes faster, but it doesn’t seem to matter.  Worse, if I do move over then they just race up and ride the butt of the next car.

 

Better Hope It’s A Good Day

 

Depending on my mood, Butt Riders tend to bring out one of three reactions from me: I’ll either stay in my lane going the speed limit (as I was once told is the law), move over so they can fly by and threaten the poor unfortunate driver in front of me, or ease off on the gas in hopes to send their blood pressure soaring as high as mine’s likely to be.  “Hey, you!  You think I’m slow now?  Watch this you poopyhead!”  Yes, I admit it: Butt riders drive me crazy, though I suspect they’d say it’s a mutual thing.

 

One Foot Forward

 

Applying a bit too much pressure.

This foot was designed for stomping.

Another way my hubby and I are different in terms of driving is our use of the brakes as we approach stop signs.  Now, I tend to start slowing up a good distance before the intersection, often gliding to a stop with the lightest touch of the brake. Hubby would probably tell you I start slowing a couple miles before the stop sign, but only when kidding—at least I hope he’d be kidding.

 

Sometimes I think  Hubby’s foot must have been dipped in lead or some other precious and extremely heavy element at birth.  He will approach a stop sign at the speed limit often making me believe he doesn’t see it at all. Then at what I consider the last possible second, he’ll stomp on the brake. Though, there’s no way to be certain, I suspect the inertia from this maneuver creates a powerful enough g-force it ought to qualify me for astronaut training at NASA.  Okay, perhaps I exaggerate a touch, but I do wonder if he couldn’t approach at a slightly lower velocity—say something under Warp 2.

 

Keeping It Civil

 

These treads have seen some wear and tear.

When your partner is driving it’s often best to tread lightly.

Of the two of us, it is hard to say which one is the better actor in the passenger seat.  As you may know, a certain amount of acting is necessary in any relationship to keep the peace.  As I see it, there are three ways to respond when you’re the passenger and you don’t like what the driver (i.e. your partner) is doing.  You can: 1) bite your tongue and wave your arms frantically as you search for something to grab onto, 2) pump the imaginary brake over and over as you see your life flashing before your eyes or 3) let go with an audible gasp and then faint dead away.  I’m pretty confident I’ve got the last one down pat, though Hubby may disagree and call my gasp something more akin to a shriek.  What the heck does he know?

 

Within Range

 

It does seem odd to me:  Both Hubby and I have a good driving record as these things go so I know from a logical standpoint there must be a range of acceptable driving techniques that will generally get a person from point A to point B.  However, I still can’t see changing my ways to align with those of dear Hubby.  That just wouldn’t sit right.  After all, if I wasn’t around to drive him crazy, who would be?

 

“Can you move over a lane, Sweetie?  The exit’s coming up.”

“Of course, Dear, I see we’re barely twenty miles away!”

 

If you enjoyed this post of Carol’s you may want to read:

My Bunny And Me

Playing By The Rules Of The Kitchen

 

 

One Response to Driving Each Other Crazy

  • Connie Nichols says:

    Great piece! Carol, I am definitely in your camp when it comes to technique! Re: braking, my technique has resulted in NEVER needing a brake job, even on vehicles I have driven for many miles! Economy!

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