Immutable, Irrefutable, Indisputable Laws Of Nature


Chicka has a hard time sleeping.

From sleep to food or money these laws explain everything.

When you try fighting against these laws it’s like hitting your head against the wall, swimming against the tide, padding upstream, running in place, leaping over a forty foot ditch, crossing the bridge that goes nowhere, or scrambling up the super slipperiest of super slippery slopes. Without further ado, here are the 10 immutable, irrefutable, indisputable laws of nature:



  The Ten Laws



The law of gravity puts a new wrinkle in everything.

1) The law of gravity. Get old and expect to sag. Get really old and gravity will put creases in all your saggy parts.


2) The law of dieting. No matter how much you weigh after going on a diet, when all is said and done you should expect to gain back twice as much as you lost eating only half as much as you ate beforehand.



JB needs a diet.

Poor JB lost 100 pounds on his diet. Here he is one year later and 200 pounds heavier.

3) The law of sleep. The older you get (a) the more your body hurts, (b) the more things you have to worry about, and (c) the more you need to pee at night. Sleep? Now, you know why they call it a power nap.


4) The law of money. No matter how much money you have there is never enough to spread around. If you really want more, I know some people that can help, but it will cost you big time.


5) The law of the bell curve. Some people are really good at things. Other people suck at them. Just remember that no matter how much you suck at what you do, you are in the majority.



Don't worry, you're in the majority.

Most people fall somewhere in the middle. Others just take a fall.

6) The law of children. Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them.


7) The law of accumulation. Stuff sticks to people like gum sticks to shoes. And just when you think you’ve got enough stuff it turns out you don’t need any of it half as much as you thought you did, but by then the gum is stickier than ever.




Stuff sticks to us like glue.

Just when you think you’ve got all you need, you find you didn’t need it half as much as you thought.

8) The law of wine and chocolate. These two items are the best things in the universe and the reason your diet isn’t working. See law number two.



9) The law of sex. When you want it your partner won’t. By the time your partner wants it you will have forgotten how.



And to wrap it all up…



Is there anything better than wine and chocolate?

Resistance is futile.

10) The law of happiness. If you are sad think happy thoughts. If you can’t be happy just by wishing it so, then think of all those young, rich, well-rested skinny people on the far end of the bell curve eating chocolate, drinking wine, and getting laid.


There you go. I feel better already.



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